Letting Go......and Moving Forward

This week, me and the boys spent the week at the beach with our dear friends, The Silva's. God intervened in our lives, and we spent a week in Ethiopia last June. Who would have thought that we would have to go all the way to Ethiopia to meet people literally in our own beautiful state of North Carolina?

We had a lot of fun this week. "Chef" Dave loves to cook, so the pressure of preparing meals was off. And boy can he cook! Ellen...well, let's just say we were separated at birth! If a week or more in Ethiopia didn't solidify the friendship, a week at the beach cemented it.

So, let me share some of the fun stuff we did this week, and then I'll move onto the deeper stuff.

We had a blast seeing the NC Lighthouses, driving on the beach, see the wild Banker horses in Corolla.















The Banker Horses on Corolla, NC























Cape Hatteras Lighthouse





















Beautiful Ocracoke Lighthouse




















My personal favorite, Currituck Lighthouse at Corolla. We were able to climb this one to the top -- fabulous views of the ocean and sound from the top!

My boys at the beach.





















My all time favorite thing to do at the beach is to walk for miles along the beach. Squeeker also has this love, and we shared this love of walking the beach with Big S this week. I can't say he enjoyed it as much as we did...he was unbelievably fascinated with the ocean, the sand and the surf.

Part of the beauty of the beach for me is the therapeutic benefits of exposing your senses to the sand, salty air, beautiful sunrises, and sound of the waves crashing on the beach.

This week marked a painful anniversary for me. Yesterday was the 5th anniversary of my Mom's death. And honestly, I don't think I was ever allowed the time to properly grieve her death. So much has happened in our lives since her death, and it was just one emotional roller coaster after another, until the crash.

I've done a lot of thinking this week during those long walks on the beach. Yesterday, I had a revelation as I picked up shells and observed how even though they were broken by the battering of the waves on the shore, over time, the salt, the sea had smoothed out the rough edges. The evidence of the pain is still there, but like God, healing has taken place. Where pain was, a scarred, but clean surface appeared.
















And as I picked up one of these shells, I realized that this is what unforgiveness looks likes: a big, gaping hole right smack in the middle of the shell...evident to all to see. Unforgiveness turns to anger, anger to bitterness, and bitterness to contempt. And all those negative emotions destroy the one thing God instructs us to do in the Bible: to love one another.















This realization, I hope, is life changing for me. In attempt at sharing this realization with Squeeker, who understands the pain of grief, I picked up four different shells (not symbolizing my children, but other pains, hurts, and unforgiveness that I was holding on to) and threw each one into the ocean, giving it back to God, where it belongs.

One shell, I held onto longer than the other. This pain and unforgiveness runs deep.....I fondled the shell in my hand, turning it over and over and again. This pain and unforgiveness had become my friend, so intricately a part of who I'd become. I didn't want to let go of it, but knew at that moment, that more than anything else I needed to do this week at the beach, was to let go, stop looking back, and start looking forward.

Good-bye anger, my old friend......