Thursday, December 3, 2009

I'll finally admit it...I am the Scrooge.....

I still have pumpkin on my front porch....

It's December 3rd and the thought of putting up the Christmas tree(s) is/are overwhelming......

I laughed until I cried last night at our annual Christmas Concert at our church; the boys choir, of which Squeeker is a member, were hysterical...off key, yawning and singing simultaneously....not to mention a serious lack of practice and focus ..... but all in all, God was glorified...not to mention a few good hearty laughs out of it. And yes,,,,my son was the one who sang and yawned at the same time....

I'm sitting on my back porch...thankful for WIFI, listening to a fabulous Christmas CD on my IPOD, trying with all my heart to get into the spirit......

I am one to be brutally honest, so here goes...I just can't do it...I'm overwhelmed and I just don't feel like it. I feel guilty for feeling this way, but I do. I'm sad, too. I really miss my Mom this time of year and everything just makes me cranky and irritable lately.......and I'm tired of the ungratefulness in my children.........

Is it wrong to want to pack up and go away for the whole month of December?????

Is it almost 9 years of working for FEDEX delivering packages in the midst of massive consumerism that still has me bitter about the Christmas season....Yet last night, I cried as we sang songs of praise to celebrate our Savior's birth....Moments....I have moments when I feel God jerk me back and say this is what it's all about. Yet, bad memories, sadness, losing my Mom are all magnified in December. Adding to the fact that I'll be a year older this month......Ugh...I just hate wrinkles...Ok, I said it out loud. I hate getting old.....really hate getting old. Love the wisdom, hate what gravity does to our bodies. If only I weren't so vain..................

My children are struggling with consumerism too. Big S thinks Santa brings all of Wal-Mart's toy ection to our house......how to defy that myth without grave disappointment?????

I know, I know, I'm really not a fun person to be around at the moment....

Take a moment today and pray for me......for wisdom on how to "do" this first Christmas as a family of 6, plus three grown step-children.

It's just all so complicated.........and I don't want life to be complicated anymore......

How do we move from messy to simple??????????????

Away in the Manger

No crib for a bed...

The little lord Jesus lay down his sweet head

The stars in the sky look down where he lay...

The little Lord Jesus asleep on the hay.....

That should be our focus......not all the other junk. My prayer this holiday season is that God reminds all in subtle ways why we celebrate Christmas...and it's not about the new IPOD, Wii, DSi, fancy vacation....blah...blah....blah.....

A child was born......God's one an only son......to save the world.......

Yet we teach our children about Santa....I want to tell my children Santa is make believe.......I hate the farce.....the secrets...the pretend........It's not about SANTA!!!!!


For God so loved the world that HE gave his one and only son,
that whomever shall believe in him, shall not perish,
but have everlasting life. John 3:16

Rejoice...Rejoice... Emmanuel.......

Shall come to thee, Oh Israel.....

Rejoice....Rejoice....Emmanuel

Shall come to thee, Oh Israel.....

1 comment:

Kristy -Mom To 6 Blessings said...

Amen! I feel the same way this year. It's like the world and consumerism is robbing us of the true reason for the season! I am fighting back by finding ways this season to give more. Tipping the guy at the carwash more than the carwash itself....taking the family to help out at a food pantry...trying to find way to serve others this Christmas. I am SO OVER the STUFF (well sort of, I AM a work in progress ya know!) :-)
Love & Blessings,
Kristy