Saturday, July 1, 2017

This Week

I saw photos of you this week....

It's almost been a year since I've seen you.....

You've grown so much.....and now wearing glasses.

So badly I wanted to reach out and send a message to you through others.....

Tempted......so very tempted.....

To say I love you.....

To say I miss  you......

To say I'm so sorry.........

But I could not.....

You see, my hands are tied......

I'm in a terrible predicament.......

Torn between saving myself from further lies, persecution

and his desire to see me destroyed, at any cost.

Torn because you never stop being a Mom....EVER.

Torn because I love you so much......that I had to let you go.

So many mistakes....

So much smoke and mirrors.

I hope one day you will see the truth.......

And know that I tried.......I gave everything I had to save you......

In the end, nothing I did mattered.

I couldn't win

None of us won.....

We all lost.......

Lost so very much.

I love you....and will never stop loving you.

Mom

Friday, May 26, 2017

Grief......

has no boundaries.....

it ebbs and flows.......

some days the pain is mild....

some days the pain is overwhelming......

uncertain as to when the emotion erupts

surprises me with the intensity.....

i cry......

for you......

for me..........

for what we've lost.....

it is immeasurable........

it has no end.......

how do we move forward?

I focus on what I can change.....

and accept what I cannot.....

I do know this.....

A mother's love never changes......

it is always there.....

all encompassing.......

with open arms......

when you finally return to me.......

I love you with all my heart................




Wednesday, April 12, 2017

Truth, cont.....

I hope you got the Easter cards I sent each one of you.

I hope the girls are getting pretty dresses for Easter......

I hope you remember that Easter is about the resurrection of our Savior, Jesus.

Today, I discovered that the other party is trying everything in his power to find
me guilty of something.  It wasn't enough that he tried to say I was unstable,  And then,
when the formal results of the psyche evals were announced, he was angry and tried
once again to retaliate.  He continued to do everything in his power, including fabricating
lies, to get me prosecuted.  Claimed to care about me while looking for me in the morgue.  

When that failed, he continues to stir up trouble and pretend that I did exist; erasing me completely from your lives.

The truth is this:  the truth is being revealed, a little at a time.  People are seeing
him for who he really is.

It's too late now for a lot of things......the damage has been done.  I fought as hard
as I could for as long as I could.  Unfortunately, in NC, the one with the most money wins.

But know I love you all very, very much.  And one day, when you older, I'll be waiting for you.

Friday, April 7, 2017

Heart

Know that my heart is always with you.......

Today it is  sad.....and breaking.......

For what I am missing....

For what you are missing.....

For what was cruelly yanked away....

When the truth was revealed to the powers that be....

It was TOO late.....

The damage had been done.....

The truth will be revealed one day.......

Lean deeply into God -- only HE is LOVE...

only HE is TRUTH....

only HE is MERCY......

only HE is GRACE........

only HE can give us the power to forgive

"No Matter What......" By Debi Gilori

Find it please, and read it over and over....

It is my message to you when I cannot get one to you.

I love you all with all my heart......

Mom

Sunday, April 2, 2017

The Truth.....Confirmed and Finally Made Pulic

Domestic Violence:  


  • Domestic violence and emotional abuse are behaviors used by one person in a relationship to control the other
  • violent or aggressive behavior within the home, typically involving the violent abuse of a spouse or partner

Duress:     

  • violent or aggressive behavior within the home, typically involving the violent abuse of a spouse or partner

Gas Lighting:  

  • Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse where the abuser manipulates situations repeatedly to trick the victim into distrusting his or her own memory and perceptions. Gas lighting is an insidious form of abuse. It makes victims question the very instincts that they have counted on their whole lives, making them unsure of anything

Psychological abuse:  

  • also referred to as psychological violence, emotional abuse or mental abuse, is a form of abuse characterized by a person subjecting or exposing another to behavior that may result in psychological trauma, including anxiety, chronic depression, or post-traumatic stress disorder.

If you have experienced any of these, please seek help immediately via a TRUSTED teacher, school counselor, regular counselor, or a police officer, etc.

Love, 
Mom


Thursday, March 30, 2017

Mistakes

We all make mistakes as people....

We all make mistakes as parents......

I've allowed fear to control my decisions and sometimes my actions.....

I've finally stood up.....

I pulled the trump card.....

It may not change anything, but that is OK.

You will know I tried......

One day you will see the truth.......

I've made sure it is there for you to see........

Love,
Mom

Monday, March 27, 2017

Will This Ever End?

He tried to prove I was crazy.........

He tried to make me commit suicide......

He lied and smeared my reputation, both as a woman and a Mom.

The powers that be believed him.

And turned my life upside down...

Just a mere four months after my last cancer surgery.

I was still recovering physically.......

Hadn't even begun to grieve......

Ripped me away and cruelly tried to blame it all on me.....

I fought for a little over two years.....

And now there is nothing left to fight with......

Lawyers fees gobbled up the last remaining cash.....

Emotionally, I am exhausted.....

Struggle with post-cancer treatment pain daily.....

Fatigue........

Do I continue to fight????

Or do I walk away?

And hope and pray that God will take care of my babies.

There are no winners here.......

My heart is broken.......