I was WRONG....

to think that holidays didn't matter to me anymore....

after many years of being the square peg trying to fit into someone's else's round hole, I was kind of indifferent towards holidays....

I was always the extra place set for dinner.....

the one with no place to go...............no family to call her own......the extra plate at dinner........

So I married David almost 7 years ago....

we've struggled to blend our families.....his, mine and ours through adoption.......each changed the dynamics of our family forever....

yet still trying to make it all fit.......and somehow trying to achieve "normal."

So.........in my complete selfishness, along with my non-nonchalant attitude towards the holidays, I picked a Women of Faith weekend (tickets already purchased) over sharing a Thanksgiving meal with my family intact.

And my dear husband David is thousands of miles away in the Philippines......

.....in a hotel room by himself.

I made a mistake....

In all these years of pretending that family didn't matter...

that I really didn't care about holidays...

I realized I was wrong.....

I am sad......

I am lonely....

I realized he really is my best friend......

After all these years of being fearful of letting anyone get too close, it happened without me even realizing it....

And now I care about holidays with my family...........

and I'm alone with my 4 children.....and they are all missing him....

and worst of all.....David is thousands of miles away....and he truly is alone. I have our children here with me....and the familiarity of our home........the one we've been building together for the past 7 years ........

and he is all alone......

not only was I wrong....

I was terribly wrong...........