Saturday, November 15, 2008

Blogging....The Good, The Bad and The Ugly

I awoke this morning at 4:00am unable to go back to sleep for many reasons. My husband has been away all week on a business trip in Mexico. He was detained an extra day for reasons I won't go into and won't return until sometime late Saturday afternoon. It has been a long week in many ways. Most of you don't know I fell off the swing playing outside with the kids 6 weeks ago and tore 6 ligaments in my neck and upper back and blew at least one disk in the same area. As my mom used to say, "you did a good job, Robin." I never do anything half-way. Gosh, I miss my mom so much. In my husband's absence, I've had to ask for help in caring for my kids around dinner and bedtime. Asking people for help has been incredibly humbling, but seeing the joy it brought others to help me is something I will never forget. True joy comes from helping those in need --and I've experienced that first hand this week as I talked and watched people go out of their way to help me and my kids this week.

This week has been challenging in many ways.....I was raised to be independent -- not to rely on anyone, especially a man. My mom had a tough marriage to my father -- very controlling and oppressive -- he raised my sister and brother the same way. I'm not one to go into all the details, let's just say that years of counseling, great friends that believed in me and my heavenly Father above are the only reasons I am who I am today.

So, with that short bio above, I must say I've been convicted the last few days of transparency, courage, and few other things. During this week, I've had some time to catch up on some blogs that I've been neglecting for various reason.

Our year this year was difficult -- we've had four deaths in our family, and one more in the terminal cancer stage. All of this death has brought up a lot of emotions about losing my own Mom 3 1/2 years ago. Its funny how you think you are "ok," but then another death of a loved one triggers an emotion you really didn't expect. One of the deaths was my dear mother-in-law, Rosemary. Although her health wasn't the greatest, I guess I can say we really didn't see it coming. Her passing was an amazing testament of a Christian woman going home to be with the Lord. I continue to be amazed at the love of our heavenly Father, and saw Faith come alive before my eyes as we watched her take her last breath. Although honored to share this experience with my husband, my sister-in-law, brother-in-law and their spouses, it has sparked feelings in me regarding my own mother's death. My husband and I were on our way back from another family member's death, and I missed my mom by about an hour. Her last words to me the Sunday before was "go, I'll see you on Friday." Well, I saw her on Friday, but she was already gone. So, to experience my MIL pass from this earth to Heaven really evoked a lot of emotion in me. I sit here crying...thinking I had finished the tears for my mother. I guess we really never are done with the grieving process in some way.

So, you are probably saying, what's up with all this "transparency." Last year, soon after we came home from Ethiopia with Pickles, I made an unfortunate post that was taken out of context. I'm not going to repeat the ugly details of the comments I received, but I will say it has hindered me from being tranparent on my blog for fear of the same. In the past week, while catching up with the adoption blogs, I ran across a blog, The Albertson's, that really got my attention. While I'm not sure exactly where I stand on the issue that was raised from the comments, I sat back and digested her posts and comments with great interest.

Blogging has been a great source of comfort for me in our adoption journey. We share feelings that only adoptive parents can understand -- the waiting, the agony, the uncertainy, and a myriad of other emotions I can't put my finger on at the moment from lack of sleep. The support from this community is overwhelming -- most of us can say it has made the bumps (and I use this term lightly -- Intl Adoption has peaks and valleys; it is not for the weak hearted!) - associated with the inherent risks of International Adoption bearable. The joy you receive when you finally hold your child in your arms erases all you went through to get to that point.

With the blessings that come from blogging, unfortunately, comments and emotions elicit emotions in others that sometimes are unkind. First I'd like to say that this is my blog, my feelings -- they are not meant to offend or hurt anyone. I am a kind and compassionate person with a very warped sense of humor -- gosh, I never would have married my husband if I didn't have a warped sense of humor! His sense of humor is worse than mine! Sometimes, our emotions get the best of us, we are passionate about what we think and believe and fight fiercely to protect and defend our stance on certain issues. And sometimes, our words offend and hurt others that don't believe what we do.

With all of this said, I'd like to nominate Becca, for the Courage of Blogging Award. Her willingness to stand up for her opinion regarding caring for the orphan has been a testament of her faith and her experience as a Social Worker in the adoption field. I don't know her personally, only through the blogs, but I would really like to get to know her better since we both share that passion for what we believe in. Like Becca, my husband has also spend time living in Romania for months at a time working with and for the benefits of orphans. He's seen first hand the dires of their circumstances - held children in his arms as they took their last breath from the terrible disease called AIDS, and repeatedly getting news of those he knew that God has taken home from AIDS. I have not had those experiences, but can attest through knowing and loving my husband, how those experiences have shaped him. Our trip to Ethiopia has only given me a brief glimpse of extreme poverty. David lived it....Becca lived it. And of course, these experiences shape who they are and what they believe.

For those of you that have judged Becca, walk a mile in her shoes before you condemn her for her beliefs. I'm not saying I agree or disagree with her thoughts, but I respect them and her courage to take a stand for the orphan - - something ALL Christians are called to do.

So, blogging world, I'm back. If Becca can take a stand, and weather the brutal bashing she's taken -- so can I! My opinions are just that -- my opinions. We all have our own history that has molded and shaped us -- let's try and respect each other's opinions in a way that honors Christ.


DrewCareyShow said...

Hi Robin! Welcome back to blogville =). I owe you an email, by the way. I realized I started to send a reply but never finished it. it's been a little crazy, but I look forward to "catching up" on our journeys! I was just looking through some pictures tonight and saw one of Zoe and Pickles shortly after our Zoe referral. I remember wondering who the other baby was. It's fun to see pictures now of Pickles growing up. Much love to all of you! XOXO Carey

Tonia said...

AMEN! I am glad to see you writing!! No one walks your shoes but YOU..and GOD is the only one who's judgement matters.
I think you are an extraordinary woman, mother and friend. My heart just breaks at all you have endured over the last year, at the same time I rejoice with you as through the year you have been blessed with E and all the love and joy she brings :)
Thank you for the cards, you have brought the biggest smile to my face at just the right moments...

The Albertsons said...

Hi sweet Robin...
I just saw all that you wrote about my blog. I tried to comment yesterday but it wouldn't let me for some reason. Anyway, thank you for your kind words and your support. It means more than you know right now, it a world that seems rather lonely for me at times. I'm struggling with how to fit in, within circles of Christianity that I feel so different from. I love Jesus with all my heart and want to know Him more deeply... but I'm really having a hard time with Christians and the church right now. It's a daily battle for me (in my soul...). People like you give me hope that there are others who are willing to look outside their own fears and failures and really see the people around them... real people who are broken and need just as much love as they do.
Anyway, I'm humbled that you would defend me. And very grateful.
with love

Anonymous said...

Robin, this is your blog, and you say anything you want. If someone doesn't like it, they don't have to read. Sending you much love!