Saturday, December 6, 2008

Coming Out of the Closet

Ok...the title of this post might throw you off a bit...but it's not what it seems. We've been keeping a little secret under our hat for awhile now. Some of you know, some of you don't. But most of you know of the rollercoaster year we've had. During all of the commotion, we started the adoption process back in January. Through the bumps of 2008, we ended up putting our 2nd adoption on hold twice; one after David's mom passed away and second, later in the summer as we struggled (really struggled) with grief issues. With an incredible feeling of peace this time around, we are excited to announcde that we are adopting again. We changed our child preference somewhere between the first and second "hold" to an older child. At first the thought of adopting an older child was more than I could deal with. We had a foster child a few years back, an adorable three year old boy that stole my heart. Unbeknownst to us, he unofficially had RAD - Reactive Attachment Disorder. I won't go into any details, except to say there were months of very trying circumstances where we realized we were not cut out for a child with such great emotional need. It was devastating, yet humbling, but did not leave us without scars. It took me a long time before I was comfortable even talking about bringing another child into our home.

So, it's offical now. We've been on the wait list since September 16th -- almost 3 months. It's hard to fathom that our first referral came in a mere 5 weeks. This time around, with the increasing popularity of Ethiopian adoptions, the wait time is between 4-6 months -- the trend leaning towards the 6 month or more mark. We are not expecting a referral until sometime in March.

My dear mother-in-law passed away May 3rd of this year.....the night before she died, my husband asked her what we should name this next child we were waiting for. Without hesitation, she said "Faith." Pickles middle name is Grace, so "Faith" will be our newest little girl's middle name. We are on the wait list for either a girl between the ages of 3-4, OR a sibling group between the ages of 36-72 months. Whew.....if this referral is for two, I'm not sure what we'll do for names -- I'll guess we'll just cross that bridge when we come to it!

10 comments:

Jocelyn said...

Congratulations, that is so exciting!!

Min said...

Congratulations! It will be so much fun to see the new addition(s)! to your family!

Anonymous said...

Might I be so bold as to recommend a research-based book, "Understanding Attachment" by Jean Mercer, Ph.D. This might be reassuring, as well as useful.

Robin said...

Anonymous:

Thank you for your comment. Although I haven't read the book you mentioned, I've read many books on RAD, including consulting many Licensed Social Workers and Child Psychologists that work with children that have RAD. Two specifically evaluated this child and both advised us the best place for this child was to be placed back with someone is his biological family because "that is his best shot of reattaching." Unfortunately, we experienced first hand severe attachment issues and how they affect the family. I don't know if you've read "When Love is Not Enough" by Nancy Thomas, but that book described perfectly the situation we found ourselves in.

My3Monkeys said...

Robin,
Yeah! I am so glad you are out!! LOL! I cannot wait to see what miracle finds their way to you and David. I am sorry to hear about the foster child not working out. Unfortunately, that happens sometimes and is no ones fault. I am glad you were able to see it was more than you could handle. We had a similar situation. I will tell you about it when we talk. Congrats! Hope your referral comes soon!!!

Lori S said...

I saw your comment on Farmboy and Buttercup's blog. I am excited to hear you have decided to adopt an older child. I hope to continue following your journey!

coffeemom said...

WOw! had no idea! SO SO exciting! We too are on our way back for number 2 (from ET). this was an ID'd child we met there, but it's an older girl this time, 12 yrs. Can't wait to follow along on this second time around! Congratulations! M

The Albertsons said...

Congratulations, sweet mama :).

The Roberts Family said...

OH SO HAPPY to see this post!! :) We'll be rejoicing with you to hear who it is the Lord is bringing into your family!! Blessings, Shelly

J, A and T said...

Wow...congratulations! I remember seeing your blog a long time ago....when we started our adoption.