Wednesday, May 27, 2009

A Cynic Meets God = Hope

I am a self-professed cynic. I just can't help it. It is what happens when you grow up at Dysfunction Junction, the phrase I've coined by family and childhood. Ok, before you bash me, please read on. I am not a fan of the "blame game." I believe you can not change the deal you were dealt, but you surely can change what you do with it.

So....Ms. Cynic Meets God. Yes, little by little, God has been working on me. Sunday, David left for Colorado on a planned business trip. I toyed with the idea of skipping church. It was raining, and gosh, it's realy hard trekking two kids through the wet parking lot by yourself. Even though the thought was a fleeting one, I felt God intercede. "I know you are upset Robin, I know you don't understand the delays. Please trust me........let me show you this morning how much I love you." "Ok God"....I said. "I'll go." I learned a long time ago not to argue with God. You always lose. I knew almost immediately that today was the day I would walk the isle during invitation time. You see, I hadn't cried since we got the news Friday about not passing court. I shed a few tears, but I didn't have one of those cleansing cries.....you know the one...the ugly gut racking sobs where you can't catch your breath. Gross, I know, but I always feel better after one of those cries.

Our church service was extraordinary. I know I wasn't the only one to feel God's presense with us. During the 2nd invitation song, I knew it was time. I didn't make it out of the pew before the tears started to fall. Let me tell you, it's a LONG walk to the front of the church from the back pew. Almost immediately upon falling onto the alter, sobbing uncontrollably, I felt the presense of many hands on me, petitioning God on my behalf. I don't know how long I cried, or how long they prayed. When I sensed it was time, I turned around and 5 or 6 beautiful ladies surrounded me, hugging me and praying over me. I was shocked and stunned, which only made me cry more. In that incredible outpouring of love from the beautiful ladies of our Sunday School class, God showed me He was still there with me.

Earlier that morning, he made a promise to me.....and He kept it.

I've also experienced an incredible outpouring of support and love from the Blog community. Those of you out there, you know who you are. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I know you feel my pain, the anquish I feel, and understand the unquenchable desire to hold my children. God showed me His unconditional love through all of you.

A few years ago, I delivered my testimony to a small group of people, as my final cleansing of the past abuse that was holding me captive. I needed to speak those words in order to finally have the peace I had so long for desired. One of the many bible verses I quoted was Romans 5:3. If I was to pick just one Bible verse as my life verse, this would be it:

"Not only so,
but we also rejoice in our sufferings,
because we know that suffering
produces perseverance;
perseverance, character;
and character, hope.
And hope does not disappoint us,
because God has poured out His love
into our hearts by the Holy Spirit,
whom he has given us." NIV

Pretty powerful. And again in James 1:4

"Perseverance must finish its work
so that you may be mature and complete,
lacking in nothing." NIV

But God, I don't want any more character. Don't I have enough?
Hear the cries of my heart, O God.

And yet, God continues to develop my character through perseverance because it is His plan for me. Sometimes I ask: "Will this ever end??? Will life EVER be easy?" I'm not sure I have the answer to these questions, but I do know one thing: I will not give up! Those two precious children waiting in Ethiopia are meant to be our children. I am meant to be their Mommy and David is meant to be their Daddy. It is part of God's bigger plan for us to raise them up in the Lord. My hope, yes HOPE, is that they will return to Ethiopia one day, to make a difference in the lives of their countrymen and women.
Little by little, piece by piece, God is changing me. Purging the cynicism from me, replacing it with a HOPE that only God can do.

"For I know the plans I have you,"
declared the Lord,
"plans to prosper you and not to harm you,
plans to give you HOPE and a future.
Then you will call upon me
and come and pray to me,
and I will listen." Jer 29:11-12

"Come and pray to me....and I will listen."

Is that not an incredible promise???

Poppa, Poppa, can you hear me?????

7 comments:

The Albertsons said...

crap Robin!!! you made ME cry!!!
But, seriously, I'm so glad that you feel God's presence and that of soooo many who love you and support you... you are not alone!!!!
love love
b

LoveNotes4CocoPrincess said...

Robin, we see the growth you have made as you walk this journey. Your love walk is truly amazing!

Anonymous said...

We love you guys and we are praying for you and ALL of your children!
Mitzi

Jen said...

Beautiful post!

Dawn said...

Can't wait to meet your ENTIRE family this summer. (Looking forward to seeing you in about an hour, downtown)!

Susan and Chad said...

It will end. But it will give way to a new beginning! Hoping for great things to come for your family - soon!

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