Friday, September 4, 2009

Yesterday I Fell......

The day finally happened; I knew it would; I just didn't know when. Yet there were moments during the last few months when I thought this day was a long, long way off.

Yesterday I fell. Not the normal clumsiness that one would expect from me.

Yesterday I fell, head over heals, hopelessly in love with my son.

Look at could you not????
That smile illuminates his face....lights up a room.
His sense of humor took a lot getting used to.
Ironic for a family whose sense of humor is strange and warped, to say the least.

"Sees," my cute, adorable nickname for him. Rhymes with "grease" or "piece." Well, he's been having quite the time in school. All summer he begged and pleaded with me about school: "Mom....when do I go to school?" Now, all I hear is: "Mom,,,,,I don't want to go to school." And then yesterday, "Mom, instead of a chicken coop (Ok....don't really don't want to know), can Daddy build a schoolhouse in the backyard so we can learn there?"

My heart fell to my a million pieces. It was then, at that moment, that I realized that he was just as much my child as my other children. I was hopelessly in love with him...I was "Momma Bear" and would protect him to the bitter end.

Prior to that, honestly, and ashamed, I really struggled. He gave me the most challenges, and still does in some ways. He just seemed to find those buttons that would send mommy immediately to the edge....and PUSH them, repeatedly.

Yet, he's the one that tells me over and over again "Mommy, I love you" or "I need 'Mommy love'" or my personal favorite "You're MY mommy." He is very much like me......his love language is 'physical touch' and no matter how much you hug and love on him, it's like there is a hole in his bucket. The more I shower him with love, hugs and affirmation, the more he needs.

This week, we worked it out with his teacher to give a presentation to his class on Ethiopia. We titled it "Ethiopia: Where I'm From." Most, if not all, of his classmates had NO CLUE that he had only been in America for two months. Most took the news with shock and surprise. Others, shockingly, told me they too were from another country: West Virginia and Texas. Whew....didn't see that coming!

Public school is new to us. Squeeker went to a private, Christian school for 4 years. He learned his continents in a Montessori preschool. My first, gut reaction was " Ok, we're pulling
him out and I'm homeschooling." Momma Bear kicked in hard and strong.
Yet, I felt God's presence. Don't be hasty, Robin. Suffering creates character. Yeah, God, but he's only 6. I was then reminded of what Squeeker went through at 3, and again at 5. God doesn't give us more than we can handle....and that goes for little ones as well. The hardest thing to do as a mother is to watch your child hurt. My job is to comfort him, provide a safe and loving home that encourages him to be who he is suppose to be, to love him unconditionally, give him opportunities to make age- appropriate decisions so when he's 16 and has a tough one to make, he's made a few along the way, and finally, encouragement him to get back up and be strong. It's not my job to remove all of life's obstacles, trials and suffering from him. But I want to......I want to protect him from the teasing about:
...having white parents (kids notice that, you know....)
...about his accent (which I absolutely love!) he eats.....some is cultural and some is the fear of being hungry again
...when he screams in the bathroom when someone shuts off the lightsbecause he's scared of the dark
...and from his laugh that comes deep down in his tummy
God created us all different for a reason. How boring would life be if we were all the same....
I know my family is unique...
I know we stand out like a sore thumb...
I know people stare at us and wonder...
I see the questioning looks....
I see the disdain in faces...
I see the curiosity...
I hope they see LOVE......
I was shopping at BJ's with the girls this morning and a sweet African American lady who works there said this to me: "The first time I saw you, I thought you were babysitting." Wow....I didn't see that one coming.....THAT was funny!
We then went on to talk for about an hour about the girls' hair. Me, pasty-white girl, was giving her advise on black hair.....God really does have a sense of humor!
Now, who would have thought that would happen??????
Yes, they're my children...they are ALL my children. Each one a gift from God. Each one unique and special in their own way.
Today, I was told I was "blessed."
Yes, I am blessed.
Four beautiful children call me "Mommy."


Dawn said...

You ARE blessed...beyond measure!

Tracy said...

Very blessed!

Sparkz said...

I loved reading this post! It was really great. We're looking into adopting an older child so I have been checking everyones (who has adopted an older child) blog out. I love the presentation idea. That is so neat. It is amazing how things change with education! I also understand what you mean where you wrote about the way he eats. Maybe not fully but our baby STILL suffers from starvation mode and probably will for a LONG time. I hear people say "Woah! He is serious about eathing" all of the time and are shocked by it.

I also enjoyed you writing about giving hair advice! I got to do that the other day and felt proud!Fun world we live in! God knows what he is doing!

coffeemom said...

OH...I've been so behind on blog surfing...but this, I can't get this off my mind. SO very happy for you. This is hard won. And worth it. And I hope to fall too. Still tripping and stumbling a bit.

Am very very happy for you and for him. God is so good! love M