Thursday, November 5, 2009

"Mommy, I Don't Want to be Brown"

"Mommy, I don't want to be brown."

"Mommy, what color ARE you? Orange?"

"No, Big S, Mommy's 'color' is actually called 'white.'"

"Mommy, I don't want to be brown."

"Mommy, I love you.....kissy....huggy....kissy....huggy......"

My, I wish I knew what to say, how to say explain it other than "God made us all different and I love you just the way God made you."

"But Mommy, Squeeker is white too."

My heart is breaking, I'm at a loss for words. One color is not better than another, God just made us different and I absolutely LOVE that three of my children are brown.

And yesterday, it was:

"Mommy, Squeeker and Della are lucky,,,,he's been with you forever." Yes, sweetie, they have been here longer, but God chose the perfect time for you and your sister to join our family. Remember the story of Squanto that we read the other night? How he was taken away to Spain and sold as a slave to monks --- and then went to England, and ten years later, God sent him back to his village in Massachusetts where the Pilgrims were. And through all the sadness, God turned it to good. God uses our sadness to help others. And the last page of the book, what do you remember Squanto doing Bis S? "Squanto was raising up his hands and praising God like you do Mommy,...,and I don't like it when you do embarrasses me." Yes, Big S, Squanto was praising God because he too will bring joy you from your sadness.

Is it a coincidence that we just so happen to be reading Squanto, when it's about losing a family and finding a new one?

......No, I believe in God's divine power. I see it every day in the life of my children.

And then.......

"Mommy, Squeeker is your 'real' son." That one really threw me for a loop. I immediately put a a stop to that. Because I birthed one child and not the others does not make one "real" and the others not. It really hurt my heart about how society defines who is a "real" child.......they are all REAL, they are ALL my children. God designed our family in a very unique and special way -- every day I thank God for how he wove the tapestry of our family together.

If I had to be honest, I think I am harder on Squeeker because he is the oldest, he's been here longer, he knows what the expectations are, and he's is leading the other children by example.

One day at a hug at a prayer at a time.....

Healing will come.......God is in control.


Anonymous said...

Oh Robin, don't those comments just find their way right through your heart and soul? I would give my last breath to make it easier on our children. Hugs, my friend. You gave him all the right answers. Unfortunately, there will be many more to come.

Audra said...

Ruby wanted to have hair just like Jovie (blonde and strait) or Callie (blonde and loose curly). When I told her she couldn't and that she had beautiful Ethiopian hair, she then settled on hair like Lettie (brown and wavy). I had to inform her that was not possible as well. But I learned something from a youtube clip about trans=racial adoption. The adopted child often looks to their parents for their sense of beauty. But, we are white and they will never be white. So, what do we do?

We point our in a non-chalaunt way AA standards of beauty in the media and with aquantances. So, I was watching TV and would see a black actress and point out, "Look! She has hair just like you!!! Isn't she pretty?!" Also it helped A LOT when she had a black friend that I could say, "You have beautiful hair like Armani!" Now she is very proud of her hair (and it has gotten longer which has helped A LOT) and she is proud of her dark skin. I will be putting lotion on her and hold out her arm and just comment "Wow! Your skin is so beautiful and shiny!" I really do not make a big deal about it, but the little things seem to help.

Also, (sorry this is getting so long), we are homeschooling Yonas and Nolan now too! Yonas is 9 and Nolan is 7. Also we have Callie and Jovie at home. So if you want to get-together for a home-school playdate somewhere in the middle it might be a lot of fun and really good for Big S! He will see a family that looks a lot like his and a white/black brother relationship that is a lot like his as well.

Also, this may sound weird, but it seemed to help my kids A LOT! Rogers and Hammerstein's Cinderella was on Disney a few weeks after they came home. They loved the music (although their language kept them from understanding it too much). But you have to get the Brandi and Whoopi Goldburg updated version and not the older "white-only" version. I say this because in the movie Cinderella is black, her sisters are white and black, her step-mom is white, the king is white, but the queen is black, and the prince in Asian. I think my kids watched that and it helped them think "Wow! In America families can be all sorts of colors!" Haha! Sounds weird, but I think it helped ;)! I may post this on the Ethiopia to Charlotte group as a recommended movie for trans-racial adoption!

Let me know if you want to get-together. I have Chuck-e-cheese coins only coupons, so we could even meet at a warm Chuck-e-cheeses!

CB said...

Robin-thanks for your comment.
My email address is
Contact me and I will send you my address. We would be happy to make a special delivery for you!!

UnknownStar said...

Hi, I wanned to leave you a comment to let you know how touch I was when i read ur posts.The content is so deep but yet well explained.Your story is beautifull. I read the introduction of from ashes to Africa and let me tell you that i am looking forward to buy this book.May God bless you and help you through your journey and be sure that i will continue reading your posts...Congrats, your kids are beautifull and are so lucky to grow in hands of bright and open minded caring individuals like you and your husbands... and once more, I bow down in front of you for your book!!!the intro got me speachless and makes me want to read more....
God bless.